Moving Youth from Obligation to Desire

If you have ever been in a confirmation class, you’ve seen it. A teenager slumps into the back row of confirmation class, arms crossed, phone half-hidden in their lap. They’re there only because a parent told them they had to be. It’s tempting to respond with a flashier environment, more games, or a better speaker. Those things are great, but that kind of engagement ends the moment they leave the program. The real goal is helping teens discover that there is a Person at the center of everything we’re offering, and that knowing him changes everything. The shift from obligation to desire is a shift from “I have to do this” to “I want to know Jesus better.” That is what we’re after.

The Goal is a Person, not a Program

Confirmation prep, Mass attendance, and youth group are not the destination; they’re meant to be doorways into a living relationship with Christ. When teens see these as hoops to jump through, it’s often because no one has framed them as anything else. Any adult who ministers to young people can reframe this. Instead of saying “mass is required, make sure to sign in” we can say “we have a chance to encounter Jesus every Sunday! I don’t want you to miss it”. Instead of sessions built around textbooks and videos, we can create space for teens to wrestle with who Jesus actually is in their life. Over time, teens begin to see themselves not as students completing a requirement, but as people on a journey.

Walk with them as a companion on the Journey

Discipleship has always been relational and personal. Jesus called individuals by name and walked alongside them. Our role mirrors this: not primarily as an instructor delivering content, but as a companion who walks with a teen at whatever stage of the journey they’re in. This means knowing where each teen stands (are they curious, skeptical, wounded, indifferent, hungry for more) and meeting them there rather than where the curriculum assumes they are. A teen who feels accompanied, rather than processed into a program, is far more likely to begin wondering whether this Jesus everyone talks about might be worth knowing personally. That accompaniment can only happen through authentic relationship.

Create Space for Real Encounter

Information about Jesus and an encounter with Jesus are not the same thing, and only one of them really sparks real desire. Hearing the Kerygma proclaimed, sitting in Adoration, guided prayer with Scripture, opportunities for confession, and retreats that include real silence all give teens space to move from hearing about a relationship to beginning one. These moments work best when they aren’t rushed and when teens are given honest language for what might happen: “You might feel nothing, and that’s okay. You might sense something. Either way, just be honest with him.” A single moment of real encounter can do more to spark desire than months of well-organized lessons.

Let Them See It Lived, Not Just Taught

Teens are extraordinarily good at detecting whether adults actually believe what they teach. An adult whose relationship with Jesus is visible communicates more than any lesson could. Adults who pray without performing, speak honestly about struggles, and carry a joy rooted in something real are the witness young people need. When a teen sees that, it plants a quiet question: “what is it that they have, and could I have that too?” No degree in theology or training as a public speaker required. Just authenticity.

Take Their Questions and Doubts Seriously

Desire for a relationship rarely grows where hard questions aren’t welcome. Teens who wonder why God allows suffering or why the Church teaches what it does on difficult moral questions need to know those questions can be brought into the room. When we respond with patience and honesty instead of a quick, defensive answer, teens learn that this relationship can hold their real selves, doubts included. That trust is often a prerequisite for desire. Few people want to draw closer to a version of Jesus they feel they have to perform for.

Build a Discipleship Pathway

A discipleship pathway names the stages of the journey a person goes through in a lived relationship with Jesus. Defining these thresholds helps us avoid treating every teen as if they’re in the same place. The thresholds a teen (or any person) moves through are:

• Initial Trust – A person is able to trust or has a positive association with Jesus Christ, the Church, or someone or something identifiably Christian.
• Spiritual Curiosity – A person finds himself intrigued by or desiring to know more about Jesus, his life, and his teachings or some aspect of the Christian faith.
• Spiritual Openness – A person acknowledges to himself or herself and to God that he or she is open to the possibility of personal and spiritual change.
• Spiritual Seeking – The person moves from being essentially passive to actively seeking to know the God who is calling him or her.
• Intentional Discipleship – This is the decision to “drop one’s nets,” to make a conscious commitment to follow Jesus in the midst of his Church as an obedient disciple and to reorder one’s life accordingly.

Naming these stages helps us ask better questions: not “did this teen complete the program?” but “where is this teen on the journey, and what’s the next step for them?” It also gives us a goal to work toward. If I want a young person to reach intentional discipleship by the time they leave my ministry, I need to be asking from the start what it will take to get them there.

Trust the Long Arc of the Journey

Discipleship is a lifelong journey, and confirmation prep is only the beginning. There can be real pressure to feel like we must do all the work of forming disciples in the few years we have with a teen. But Jesus has been at work in their hearts before we arrived, and he will continue long after they leave. A teen who walks away without a deep relationship with Jesus may still be carrying seeds—planted by an honest conversation, a moment of real prayer, or a leader who clearly loved Jesus and loved them. Years later, in a hard season, those seeds sometimes become exactly what draws them back. The work of sparking desire is rarely finished on our timeline. But it is never wasted.